


And Then There Was a Popcorn Fight

by misura



Category: Psych
Genre: Fall Fandom Free For All, M/M, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-03-23
Updated: 2010-03-23
Packaged: 2017-10-25 22:47:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,519
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/275677
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/misura/pseuds/misura
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><i>"Lassiter's tie told you he wanted you to find him a boyfriend?"</i></p>
            </blockquote>





	And Then There Was a Popcorn Fight

"Well," Shawn said, "I guess we'll be doing this case _pro bono_." He did not seem unduly displeased at the prospect at not getting paid. Which made sense, Gus supposed, given that 'not getting paid' was what Shawn was usually doing on a weekday, unlike actual productive, responsible and adult members of society.

"What case would that be, Shawn? The one Lassiter just told you he didn't want you to get involved in?"

Shawn was like the kid brother Gus'd never wished he'd had, really. Except that Gus's parents didn't like him better than they liked Gus, and that only _some_ of the girls Gus had dated had referred to Shawn as 'cute'.

"The murder? Boooring." Shawn scoffed. "Lassie can handle that one on his own. Give him a nice ego-boost, you know, some actual confidence. Poor guy."

"O-kay." This was ... new. No, scratch that thought: this was new _s_. Good news. "Great. I can go back to work then." He proudly noticed it didn't come out sounding like a question.

"Hey. What part of 'we've got a case' didn't you hear?"

"Mm, let me think about that for a moment." With Shawn, it was important to keep moving. "How about ... no part?"

"All right, okay, back up for a sec." Shawn grabbed his arm. Gus stopped walking. "Rewind."

"There is no case here, Shawn." Gus crossed his arms and tempted fate. "And there's absolutely _nothing_ you can say to convince me otherwise. Not this time."

"Dude, we've got a case!" Shawn beamed. Gus gave him a blank look. "Um, Gus. A little enthusiasm? Please?" Gus said nothing. "Pretty please?"

"There is no case, Shawn."

"Pretty please with whipped cream, hot chocolate sauce and a strawberry on top?"

"Hah. As if." Gus turned and started walking again.

"Whatever happened to friendship?" Shawn called after him. "Best friends forever and all that stuff? I believed in you, Gus!"

People were beginning to take notice. Gus tried to walk faster without making it look like he was. It didn't seem to be working, so he hoped that meant it was.

"What about last night?"

Gus froze. "What _about_ last night?" People were definitely taking notice now.

Shawn caught up and put one hand on Gus's shoulder. "Dude, you want me to mention details? Right here? Where everyone can hear?" He was whispering - inasfar as you could call it that, given that at least a dozen people were able to hear each word perfectly.

"I stayed home and watch TV. Alone," Gus said. Loudly. "Nothing happened." Louder than Shawn.

"That," Shawn said, "is absolutely true. There was absolutely _no_ steaming hot sex going on whatsoever."

Gus choked. Shawn patted his back. "I mean, that'd mean we're _gay_ , right? Which is just plain ridiculous. Who could ever think that _we_ were gay?" Several people, Gus noticed, were slowly raising their hand. "Rhetorical question," Shawn said quickly. "Now, if you'll excuse us, Gus here needs to get back to work."

 

"What the hell were you thinking?"

"I was thinking you probably didn't want people to think you were gay," Shawn said.

"Yeah. Great job, Shawn. Thanks."

"Aw, what else are friends for?"

"I was being sarcastic." Traffic was maddeningly compliant. Gus would have liked to yell at something or someone, but all the lights seemed to turn green at their approach and nobody cut them off.

"Oh." Shawn looked taken aback for perhaps two seconds. "Well, anyway, back to the case."

"There is no case, Shawn." Gus looked out of the window. "I'm just giving you a ride back to the office."

"Gus," Shawn sighed. "Gus, Gus, silly Gus. You're, like, _so_ out of it today. Dude."

Gus took a deep breath, pretended to close both eyes (since actually closing them while driving a moving vehicle would be very irresponsible) and slowly counted to ten. It didn't help.

"There is no case, Shawn." Shawn gave him a look. "Fine. There _is_ a case." Shawn brightened. "And it's not going to involve _me_."

"Honestly, Gus, sometimes, I just don't _get_ you. I mean, come on. Are you really telling me you don't want to help me find Lassier a boyfriend?"

Gus braked. In front of a green light. "What?"

 

"It was the tie," Shawn said, sipping coffee.

"Lassiter's tie told you he wanted you to find him a boyfriend."

"Of course not. _Lassiter_ told me he wanted me to find him a boyfriend." Shawn's expression turned slightly worried. "You haven't been talked to by any ties, have you? Telling you to - oh, I don't know, go and rob a bank or something?"

"Ties don't talk, Shawn. I'm not crazy."

"As your friend, I must tell you I worry sometimes," Shawn said.

"That's really not necessary." If Gus ever went insane, he was fairly sure of who'd be to blame.

"I'm thinking someone smart, good-looking, funny, well-dressed and involved in policework, but only sideways." Shawn grimaced. "Not a common combination, I'm afraid, but then, this _is_ Lassiter. Wouldn't be him if it was _easy_."

"White, of course." It wasn't as if Gus couldn't see where this was headed.

"Gus!" Shawn looked shocked. "That is so incredibly racist of you. I can't believe you said that."

"Well, I can't believe you want to date Lassiter."

"Me?" Shawn's eyes went wide. "Really, Gus, that's just ridiculous."

"Yes, it is, Shawn." Gus relaxed slightly. "I'm so glad we agree on that."

"Obviously, _you're_ the one who should be dating Lassiter."

"Me?"

"Obviously." Shawn nodded.

"You think I'm smart, good-looking, funny and fashionable?" This was the first time Shawn had ever expressed that sentiment - unless you counted Shawn stealing his favorite shirt any time he (Gus) had a date. "Really?"

"We-ell, maybe not fashionable," Shawn amended. "Or really funny - you know, in a way that makes people actually laugh. Smart, not so much, although that's just in comparison to me. Good-looking ... well, if you like the dorky, geeky type. Kind of. But all that other stuff, absolutely. You're totally his type."

"Thanks, Shawn."

"You're welcome." Shawn blinked. "Mind, not sure if that was really a compliment."

"I have just one question."

"Shoot."

"Have you completely lost your mind?"

 

"Have you completely lost your mind, Spencer?" Lassiter demanded.

"Come on, Lassie. One date. You can leave early if you're not having any fun. Of course," Shawn added, "you'd be breaking poor Gus's heart if you did, but I'm sure the two of you will get along just fine."

Lassiter looked like he was counting to ten, slowly and without any success. Gus reflected that at least they had _some_ things in common. "First off, what makes you even think I'm gay?"

Shawn leaned forwards. Lassiter looked suspicious but obligingly leaned forwards a bit as well.

"It's the tie," Shawn whispered.

Lassiter jerked back. "It was a gift from my ex-wife," he said.

"Ah." Shawn nodded wisely.

"I like it." Defensively.

"I'm sure you do," Shawn said. "So much more subtle than wearing a pink t-shirt saying 'Yes, I'm gay and single'. Frankly, with your complexion, I don't think you could pull off wearing pink anyway."

Lassiter's left hand trembled slightly. "It's just a tie, Spencer."

"It will be just a date. Trust me. Gus is a total gentleman. Never makes out on a first date. In fact, I've never seen him make out on _any_ date." Shawn frowned. "Huh."

"The fact that you apparently follow him any time he goes on a date might have something to do with that," Lassiter said blandly. "That, and the gag."

"The - oh. Sorry. Just didn't want to be interrupted. There, is that any better?"

"I'm going to kill you, Shawn."

"Good. Now that that's settled, please get out and let me get back to work." Lassiter picked up some papers and pretended to become utterly engrossed in their contents.

"I'm _not_ going on a date with Lassiter just because you're too chicken to admit you like him yourself."

"What?"

" _What_?"

 

"I can't believe you told Lassiter I liked him. Dude, what are you? In sixth grade?" Shawn complained.

Gus grabbed some popcorn. "It was for your own good," he said.

"Besides, look who's talking," Lassiter put in. "You've been making my life miserable since the first time I met you."

"Have not!"

"Have too." Lassiter grabbed a handful of popcorn and leaned back with a smug grin. "All those times you went out of your way to annoy me, it was just because you were too much of a scaredy-cat to tell me you liked me."

"I didn't notice any warm and fluffy feelings coming from your side either."

"I was _married_ ," Lassiter said. Gus and Shawn gave him near-identical looks. "Getting a divorce."

"That's all right, Lassie. We all make mistakes."

"Even you?"

"Oh, look, the movie's starting again."

Had it been just him and Shawn, Gus knew it would have ended there, with Shawn not admitting he might not be completely right all the time, and Gus holding the bowl of popcorn.

As it was though, he exchanged a look of perfect understanding with Lassiter.

And then there was a popcorn fight.


End file.
